People look out for different things when choosing who to date. Blessing Ukemena writes on three important traits to look out, whether you are male or female.
We may all be guilty of being superficial when it comes to choosing a partner. The physical characteristics and sense of humour of a person can often be enough for us to start dating them. However, jagged rocks may await your love ship if you navigate mmainly on this course.
In a country like Nigerian where money is one of the factors on the top of the list (no thanks to the economy), it will be wise to note that it does not guarantee happiness. Choosing to follow this compass might help you sail into calm waters, and choose a more suitable mate, providing of course that you too, have these qualities!
Choose someone who is emotionally open
One of the most important things a couple can share in their relationship is their feelings. Feelings give an insight into the direction a relationship is taking.If it is heading for the rocks, emotional openness can avert potential disaster. Openness gives you the key to the inner workings of your partner and allows for mutual trust.
Although everyone has feelings, many are unable to open up or express them. This emotional barrier can keep partners in emotional limbo, sometimes for years before anything is really understood. It is important that people in relationships know what they are feeling, want to share those feelings and know how to express them respectfully and lovingly.
If a person is a victim of a bad experience and emotionally shuts down when you try to address a matter, then heed the warning!
If you find that you are unable to identify and express your feelings, then you are not ready to be in a relationship and/or if you are in a relationship with a person who cannot do so, you are inflicting punishment on yourself.
Choose someone who has integrity
One dictionary describes integrity as "adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character". In other words, honesty. It stands to reason that this quality is integral to good relationships since trust is involved. Sharing life on an intimate level with someone involves a great deal of reliance on the other person’s integrity.
This is why betrayal is so painful. Dishonesty is a sure sign of a lack of integrity, since it displays a lack of respect for oneself and for others. Being in a relationship with a liar will lead you to cover up for the liar, eventually becoming a liar yourself.
Dishonesty can never be used as a strategyto gain advantage, since it will ultimately backfire.
Another sign of a lack integrity is exhibited by those who play emotional games. Although games are for children, it doesn’t stop these 'emotional children' from participating.
This is because they need leverage in the relationship to get out as much as they can from it. If you are a victim of emotional games, then understand that this person you are dealing with lacks integrity and you must move on!
Choose someone who has high self esteem
Self-esteem is an individual's measure of his or her value and worth. It is the way a person talks to and treats himself that gives an indication of how much value he places on his person. In relationships, a person with low self-esteem will love in order to feel good about themselves, whereas a person with high self- esteem will love because he or she already feels good about who they are.
Having good self-esteem is about accepting yourself wholly, being comfortable with who you are and who you are becoming.
This would include, not abusing yourself through drugs and alcohol, keeping your body and your environment clean, and not allowing yourself to be abused by anyone (emotionally or physically). Self-esteem is a necessary requirement if you seek to have long lasting relationships with others.
There are other qualities that you may seek that are not discussed here but these three qualities are fundamental to the success and happiness you can derive from your relationship.
It is important to ensure that these characteristics are cultivated in yourself first, in order to attract people of a similar disposition into your life.
Remember, we attract what we already are!