“It’s common for newlyweds to make mistakes in their marriages because they don’t grasp that marriage, is not like any other relationship they have ever been in,” says, marriage coach and author of Blueprint For a Lasting Marriage, Lesli Doares.
Their mistakes aren’t ones of intention but of truly not knowing what is now required. But this lack of information is not only unrecognised but not always easy to remedy. How, you ask? Huffingtonpost.com says it’s by sidestepping these seven super-common marriage mistakes from the start.
Having unrealistic expectations
We’ve all seen a romantic comedy or two that sets a pretty high bar for our partners, the kind that convinces you ‘love is all you need, we complete each other, my spouse will never hurt me, my partner will just know what I need and be willing and able to meet those needs without any direction from me all the time.’ Believing these myths will only lead to a major let-down in your newly married life. But you can beat back this mistake by allowing your partner and yourself to be real people, complete with faults. Being willing to confront your own expectations about marriage, each partner’s role, and how you think it ‘should’ be is crucial.
Expecting your partner to change now that you’re married
Many newlyweds still think marriage will change their partner for the better. You could want him or her to change anything from how they will handle finances or housework to his or her relationships with friends.
The ideal way to avoid this trap is to have candid discussions about these and other important issues before tying the knot. What you may find is that you have very different views and ideas on some fundamental things and will need to find a way to come up with win-win approaches for dealing with your differences.
Not having a plan to deal with the tough stuff
Building a life with someone else who has their own thoughts and ideas is challenging. Avoiding these differences doesn’t make them go away.
It just sows the seeds of resentment that will eventually destroy the relationship. Hoping things will change or not acknowledging when your partner is struggling does not work. Yet, many newlyweds deal with disagreements ostrich style: Burying their heads in the sand, hoping the problem will just go away.
Instead, couples must learn to communicate productively, without anger, around tough topics. It’s the only way to avoid this mistake, and the only way to really resolve the tough topics themselves.
Making sacrifices or compromises
This newlywed mistake seems to go against most common marriage advice, which tells you to put your partners first. But it is a huge mistake. Yes, couples have to negotiate and reach agreement in many areas. But this does not require either person to sacrifice or compromise. So rather than give in and give up, you can avoid this mistake by brushing up on your negotiation skills. Couples need to learn to negotiate their choices and keep talking until a mutually satisfactory solution is reached that both parties are committed to implementing.
Reacting negatively when your spouse wants alone time
Alone time is actually good for a marriage. But as newlyweds, there’s a chance you want to soak up all your time together, not letting your spouse escape. Clinging too tight to your spouse can push him or her away. So, instead, talk it through so that you communicate why it is important for each of you to have your alone time.
Not continuing to nurture the love
When you tie the knot, you’re at the height of your romance and it seems nothing can break you out of this love bubble. But, it is really easy for newlyweds to get overwhelmed by the day-to-day grind. The relationship is okay and everything else needs immediate attention. But nothing thrives on neglect and it’s much easier to keep a relationship healthy than try to get it back into shape later. Don’t take your good relationship for granted.