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Men Are Still From Mars

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Last week, there was mild jubilation that a report had been released stating that for the first time, Nigerian men were more than women and so invariably, single women had a shot at owning their own man. According to the United Nations Department of Economics and Social Affairs 2018 report, the sex ratio of male to female is 102,635: 97,433. The jubilation targeted single women, which if we will be honest, focused on women who had never been married. However, the pool of single women has increased significantly with widows, divorced and separated women joining the foray. So really, the men are still endangered species. A friend’s mother called me rather frantically the other day, to say she wanted to see me. I rushed over concerned that my friend had “gone off her rockers”. I profusely apologise for thinking that, that could be the only problem with her. I’ll argue that things aren’t really looking up lately and people are losing it because of the gloomy economic forecast.

Anyway, after being fed and had the food washed down by a cold glass of kunun zaki, she proceeded to plead with me to find a husband for her widowed daughter! Well, I thought that makes two of us!! Seeing the hope in her eyes, I really didn’t want to prolong her misery further and so I laid it straight to her-there are not enough men for the 18-25year old females that are considered the most viable group for marriage, talk less of the unmarried next age cohort and so forth before we proceed to the group that is looking for a second (or third) chance. I informed her that things had drastically changed from her time. Could she remember in her time when a female got married, she remained in her husband’s house no matter what? Now women, being more empowered, demanded all that is due to them including a second chance and another chance! I enlightened her that there are women in their 60s who had never been married but had not rolled over and played dead once they hit 35. Usually, society placed them on the shelf to be forgotten and if they were lucky, they were shoved aside.

They too were out in the field and offering men what the younger girls couldn’t offer-wealth and wealth of experience-in all ramifications. Some are even looking better than the young girls who have age, time and youth on their side. The deadlier group is the woman who has been married before, has children and is taking so much care of herself and not tied by societal norms as to what she should look like and looking more fabulous than her younger sisters. I really do feel sorry for the single men (widowers and divorcees all join). The world has, in many ways, emasculated the man and now with women on the same pedestal as men; a woman can marry a man and keep him! And the men are only too willing (who can blame them, really?) This has made the competition fierce. Gone are the days that being a widow, divorcee or estranged wife was a death sentence. Children, I heard you ask? Technology has been wonderful. Didn’t you hear of the 60-year-old woman that gave birth right here in Abuja assisted by our very own Nigeria doctor? Unfortunately, I can’t remember his details, but he won an award at this year’s, Who is Who National Assembly Of Impact Makers Awards.

The second problem with this jubilation is that the report doesn’t break down the men into categories; there are men and there are men and so just giving a figure of men and telling us to be happy that men outnumber the women is way too simplistic.  In the long run, when we sift the wheat from the chaff, the pool of these men will shrink considerably and so, we are back to females outnumbering males.

I guess I was a bit too negative in my projects about my ability to help find a husband for her daughter because the conversation focused on the daughter just getting a child, a simpler solution, if you ask me, but it has its own myriad of problems. For one, both parents should ideally raise the children. Yes, I realise a man is needed (that elusive man) to get her pregnant but I was rather optimistic here; she could freeze her eggs and at least have viable eggs in the future should she eventually find a man. This was not discarding the natural method but with the scarcity of viable men, this was a plan B. If she eventually doesn’t get a man, she can visit a sperm bank. I’m just saying that she doesn’t need to bang her head against a wall to have some semblance of happiness.  After the long winding conversation that got us here, I cautiously asked her if her daughter wanted kids and immediately regretted the question. I was just trying to be helpful.

In conclusion, the moral of this write up is that single women should not relent; there aren’t enough men by any standard. To the men, you have your work cut out for you; good luck..

In Other News

In the Book of Daniel, there’s an account of an angel explaining to Daniel why there was delay in the response to his prayers. From Daniel’s hindrance to prayer by satanic forces, we are subject to the same delays. Please have this in mind as we await the Ministerial List and other key appointments. I’m holding out that by July 2nd, the ‘spiritual battle’ would have been won. If not, we might have to wait till October as the earliest time possible for this list. Hopefully, it will be worth the wait this time.

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