When we get offended, the logical thing we expect is an apology. So, it is shocking to many, when they don’t get it. Sometimes you question the whole love and union because truly, what love is there if you cannot apologise even when you can see that you are wrong?
New couples are hit the hardest because they still exist in the ‘Couples in wonderland’ phase where everything is supposed to make sense and follow a predefined order.
There are different types of people
Those who will apologise for when they are wrong and even apologise for when they are not wrong.
Those who’d keep quiet when wrong.
Those who’d get to every detail but apologise sincerely if they end up being wrong.
Those who’d argue with you till you show them they are wrong yet they still won’t apologise.
Then there are those who’d be wrong and then flip the case on you and expect you to apologise. These are the most difficut of the lot.
Still, we are who we are and the people described above are not aliens, they are us.
How about the apology itself?
There are those who’d apologsie verbally There are those who’d apologise with silence There are those who’d apologise with posture. There are those who’d apologise with gifts. There are those who’d apologise with gestures
There are those who’d apologise by trying to wave it aside. There are those who’d apologise by bringing an argument to an end
There are those who’d apologise by telling you what you did and asking you to apologise so that they can accept the apology and everyone would be fine.
As bad as this is sounding, it is the reality that many of us live everyday and as much as we just wish for the first type, the truth is that not all of us will be that lucky.
What do we do then. run away from our homes?
People will make you feel like if a partner does not fit into the first standard, your marriage is not worth anything. Well, to be honest with you, it should not be difficult for anyone who truly loves you to apologise but there’s more to a partner than just that. Many people have good sides and an overall good package so we cannot judge them by just this one side.
What needs to happen is that we need to seek ways to improve our invididual realities.
If my wife is such that won’t apologise but keep arguing then the mission to make this better is one that will take patience and time, knowing that she did not just become like that overnight. Also, it cannot be something I would be trying to change in a day or even a month, neither will it be something I would be looking to address only during arguments.
Yes, it would be frustrating and challenging but then you’ know this person is worth it because of the other good reasons that make the person worthy of being called a spouse.
You need a lot of patience, perseverance and tolerance but let me emphasize this:
Tolerance does not mean one has to settle for less and reduced standards. It only means that one is willing to keep going till the goal of higher standards is achieved.