This is one trend we want to try and stop but then with what many are having to go through in marriages at the hands of spouses, it’s unlikely we’d make much progress if we don’t begin to talk about these issues from a logical, non judgemental perspective.
Here’s how to work on it.
UNDERSTAND YOUR JOURNEY
Things did not just get here. The love was lost (different from a case where it never existed) meaning there’s a point it got lost ma d a reason too. If you are going to make things better, you will need an unbiased understanding of what’s going on.
DECIDE YOUR NEXT MOVE
Now that you understand how you got here, decide how you want to go forward. Answer the question on whether you still want to try or not. If, unfortunately, you have gotten to the point where nothing can make you try anymore, then focus should be on the most practicable exit approach. If, luckily, you still have enough to give it one more shot, proceed.
FREEZE OUT DISTRACTIONS
Unfortunately, many cases involve affairs and distractions already. If you are going to stand any chance of resolving, you need to freeze out all distractions and disconnect completely. This helps create space for infusing the extras back into your marriage. Many get scared of letting go of the distraction that has helped them cope but deep down when you think about it, you’d know this is the right thing to do. There’s no making your home better where distractions continue to exist.
SEEK BETTER CONFLICT RESOLUTION
A lot of times, it’s poor treatment that depletes the affection in the marriage. This is not your fault, and for as long as your spouse keeps doing the same things that depleted the affection in the first place, there’s almost no hope of making it better no matter how much you try. So, seek professional help such that said spouse can be shown how to better handle things.
BE DELIBERATE IN RECONNECTING
The beginning can be a drag and it will take a bit for you to gain momentum. Stay deliberate on doing fun things and seeking to recreate mutual points of interest and connection. Focus also on creating new areas of connection.
LEARN ABOUT YOUR SPOUSE
Yes, you are married but that doesn’t mean you know each other as well. Take time to know them (again) on the surface and beneath. Pay attention to their interests and understand why these interests exist with the intention of keying into as many as possible.
KEEP AN OPEN MIND
Keep an open mind especially on conversations. Don’t listen to reply, listen to hear, hear to understand and understand to engage. Engage with the intention of creating deeper bonds.
Not only because of the blessings that come with praying but in the spiritual sync you create when you do so. You are at peace when you pray so if your spouse becomes a part of your prayer sessions, it is easy to find that peaceful space together where sparks are created and bonds solidified.
BE INTERESTED, BE INTERESTING
From being deliberate about making things fun in love again, don’t forget to add value and polish areas of your life that sparkle. Make it easy for your spouse to key into your space and journey. Pick up interesting things like hobbies and leave the space for joining in with you if they are as excited about it too.
Learn fun things to do that apply to you and are easy for you and your spouse to enjoy together. Seek professional help on all the above and you will get help on how to pick general events and adapt to your own peculiar marriage. Be more spontaneous but not overwhelming. Be open to new stuff.
Understand that, different homes will have different situations and as such, there will be variations to the above. In the end, you give things your best shot and hopefully, you will see things get better in your marriage.