It’s safe to say many of us get married thinking the excitement will continue at that tempo only to be woken up from the dream a few years, months, weeks or even days later.
“How do I make my marriage exciting again?” is a very valid question that many don’t think has a possible answer, but that’s not true. You really can make your marriage exciting again.
First things first. Understand that you cannot do it alone, your partner needs to be in on it. This is where many give up because, the thought of reaching out to their partners is just punishing. Well, it’s not compulsory to reach out to the partner physically, in fact, it is better you don’t reach out directly. With the right moves you can make a person believe they decided on their own to do something through a subconscious nudge.
If your home is like a typical African home after a few years, everything probably has reached a boring routine. What to eat is fixed, affection is at zero, intercourse is reduced to dry painful thrusts, and the unity in the home is faint. Don’t worry if this is familiar in a scary way, you are not alone.
Why did it happen in your home? I’m sure many reasons will come up but the most common responses are “I don’t even know”, “My partner never appreciated my efforts so I stopped” and “I believe he’s found someone else”.
What’s the way forward?
First, you need to get your partner involved either by discussing it or preferably by playing into his/her mind. Whether we accept it or not, the mind pays attention more when things are unpredictable. So perhaps I eat white rice every evening, at a point, the body wouldn’t actually mind jollof rice and maybe even a different meal altogether. If you become too predictable, you become boring, it is that simple.
Your key areas are meals, attention, presence, sex and the X factor.
Meals need to change either in the way served or the actual meal itself. Presentation is key and can be the difference between an exciting meal to rush home to and the same old boring meal that one cannot be bothered about.
Attention may not be easy to give initially but a deliberate effort ensures that it gets easier with each passing attempt. Show interest and listen to your partner, get enough information to be able to participate in their lives.
Presence is very important. Without it, everything just fades away slowly. Other efforts count for little if you are never around. Money is good but money will not replace your presence.
Sex is the interface that just binds all the other elements together. A good round can instantly end quarrels, create a desire for meals, remove tension and restore smaller things like smiles and play. Yes, it will do all the above and so much more but do you know how to tap into it and make it work for you? Unlearn and re-learn all the time to keep your skills fresh (and yes I mean skills)
The X factor is like a joker that you pull out for extra effect. It can range from your looks and appearance to random acts of affection like gifts and even outings/vacations. It could even be as little as a social media post, a text message or a call to say sweet things.
“It is expensive to make very exciting meals” – Wrong, you can make very cheap but unique meals that become better with proper serving.
“My partner does not appreciate my efforts” – I’m guessing this is the reason we are here, do your bit well and you’ll see results.
“I am very busy at work or engaged far away” – It is your family. If the chats, audio calls, video calls, and online interactions fly regularly, they’ll complement your scheduled visits home like you never left.
Surely, there’s more to do but this is a good place to start.