Secrets Of Our Over 40-Year-old Marriage – Couples

Marriage is supposed to be a bed of roses, but sometimes disagreements and infights do occur. IBRAHIM OBANSA, Lokoja; ATTAH ANTHONY, Jalingo and ACHOR ABIMAJE, Jos, write on how some couples who have stayed together for over 40 years have been able to sail the ship of marriage.

In an era where marriages are failing at an alarming rate, many couples have been able to live amicably for over 40 years. Through the thick and the thin, good and bad times, they have stayed put. Some have had moments of despair and disagreements, yet love, patience and tolerance have kept them together.

Speaking with LEADERSHIP Weekend, an elder in Kogi State, Mr Emmanuel Bolagi Boro, attributed the success of his 40-year-old marriage to patience, tolerance and endurance, stressing that these virtues remain essential for any union to thrive.

Boro, who hails from Ogori in Ogori-Magongo local government area of Kogi State, noted that he shares a long-standing familiarity with his wife, former Miss Mary Yomi Aturu, now Mrs Mary Yomi Boro, having known her and her family before they got married.

“We are from the same village. I knew her personally and also knew her parents. However, I formally approached her during their church’s annual harvest in 1975, which I attended as a secondary school student,” he recalled.

According to him, their relationship spanned 13 years before marriage, guided by strong moral values and reverence for God. “In our time, it was considered an abomination to engage in sexual intimacy before marriage. The fear of God saw us through those years,” he said.

He emphasised that there is no magic formula for a successful marriage, noting that mutual understanding and a willingness to endure challenges are crucial.

“What matters most is for couples to understand each other. If they do and are ready to endure, the marriage will succeed. They must also learn to forgive. Offences will come from both sides, but patience and a forgiving spirit will sustain the union,” he added.

Mr and Mrs Boro got married at the ages of 32 and 28, respectively, and are blessed with three children, two daughters and a son, who are all married and settled with their own families.

“God blessed us with three children, and today they are all happily married. We are also grandparents now, and we remain grateful to God,” he said.

Mr Boro is a retired director of Information (Special Grade) in the Kogi State Civil Service, while his wife is a retired principal of St Mary’s School, Lokoja.

Similarly, an 82-year-old matriarch in Taraba State, Mama Ruth Sule Pantuvo, has attributed the longevity and stability of her over five-decades-old marriage to 87-year-old Sir George Sule Pantuvo, to faith in God, patience and mutual understanding.

Speaking on her marital journey, which began in 1966, Mama Pantuvo said there was no special formula to sustaining a successful union other than keeping God at the centre.

Recounting how she met her husband, she explained that their relationship started simply as a friendship before it blossomed into marriage, “and there is no secret apart from God being in our marriage. God remains faithful. We try to abide with Him, and He has seen us through many things. He came to my workplace, we became friends and later got married,” she recalled.

Reflecting on marital challenges over the years, the elderly woman noted that while every marriage has its ups and downs, understanding one’s partner and maintaining commitment are key, as according to her, “marriages have challenges, but it depends on whom you marry and how you handle issues. For us, we stayed together and continued. We never separated for a day.”

She described her husband as a hardworking and disciplined man who remained dedicated to his job and family, despite occasionally spending time with friends, adding that “their ability to tolerate each other’s differences and resolve issues through dialogue and prayer helped them navigate difficult moments. There are things he does that I may not like and things I do that he may not like, but we talk about them, pray, and move on.”

She maintained that marriage is all about two forgivers living under the same roof.

Mama Pantuvo also emphasised the importance of family values, noting that caring for children and maintaining a stable home contributed significantly to their enduring relationship. She advised younger couples to be patient, tolerant and to maintain proper upbringing of their children, adding that “young couples today need patience. Many quarrel over unnecessary things and lack tolerance. Once you accept each other and take care of your home, you will remain together.”

The matriarch also called on couples to maintain strong relationships with their extended families, warning that unresolved conflicts with in-laws could destabilise marriages, and “once there is love and respect between the husband, wife, and their families, there will be peace. The role of parents in shaping the attitudes of children toward marriage, instilling values of love, respect and responsibility, is also very necessary for a peaceful marriage.”

Mama Pantuvo said that, after decades together with her husband, she looks back with gratitude. She stressed that despite inevitable challenges, their commitment to each other has kept the family united.

An octogenarian in Plateau State, Elder Jacob Ajayi, told LEADERSHIP Weekend that tolerance, endurance and mutual trust are the basic ingredients that have helped him maintain a successful marriage.

Speaking on the secret of enduring unity in marriage, he argued that it takes a lot to tolerate a man or a woman, while lamenting that, these days, intending couples do not conduct background checks on who to marry before going into it.

“They get carried away by artificial things like beauty, education, her father, or his father is rich. These will not guarantee a successful marriage,” he stated.

He advised intending couples to always study their fiancé and fiancées, such as learning their backgrounds, before venturing into tying the knot. “Let everything about him or her be natural,” he added.

Pa Ajayi also explained that with time, age, or beauty would fade away, but the character would remain intact.

“You cannot expect a successful marriage when you are married to a family of divorcees, drunkards and fetish people where their women do not stay in one place,” he said.

He advised couples to be patient, respect each other, and be God-fearing, because it is scriptural, and not to be carried away by things that do not last, like flashy cars, beautiful houses, and stupendous wealth. “What if beauty fails; the cars, houses and wealth are gone? You would pack your bags and quit?” he asked.

Elder Ajayi said he got married in 1970 and by June, his marriage would be 56 years.

“I met my wife through a friend when she was staying with her elder brother, a staff member of the former Northern States Marketing Board (NSMB),” he recalled.

According to him, before then, he had so many female friends; some of them were teachers and nurses, but he took his time to go for his wife, Esther, because she is not the “Ago-go” type (not flamboyant), meaning somebody who is reserved and not exposed to the life common with most ladies nowadays.