To clear the cobweb of misattribution, let it be known that this piece was not inspired by the 2003 South Korean film, “Song of the bandits”, a captivating South Korean action period drama set against the backdrop of the 1920s during the Japanese occupation of Joseon. Wikipedia describes that movie as “a tale where those who head to Gando, a land of lawlessness, unite as one to protect the homeland of the Koreans… a prelude to the Gando massacre.”
The following is totally different. It is the poetic rendition of a repentant bandit (Oh, that word – repentant – again!), who wonders why we keep beating about the bush while the bush-rat is running rings round us. The Oxford Dictionary does not equivocate about the definition of the word, bandit: A criminal gangster, hooligan, marauder, mobster, outlaw, robber, brigand, desperado, hijacker, pillager, plunderer, villain.
Welcome!
Self Intro
I am proud to be a bandit, dreaded by all, threatened by nothing
I am your worst nightmare, the necro-trance you would rather not have
I used to be a far off, invisible demon, a gnome inhabiting the woods,
I used to be a violent ghost, here today, there tomorrow, with bloody trail,
But not anymore! Now, I’m your personal armageddon, your collective nemesis
If I don’t get you, I’ll catch your relative
Or, are they all wearing armoured vests?
There is honour among merchants of death, that is why I give Boko Haram its flowers;
Ansarul, ISWAP, Lakurawa – localised ‘territorialists’ redrawing the map of terror
Great precursors in this fascinating industry of violence:
Ensuring that the interests of ransom-paying captives are prioritised.
A hostage is more useful alive than dead. Remember, he’s also a plaything.
Have you ever seen the dread in the eyes of a hostage awaiting slaughter?
You don’t know the power in the nozzle of a gun, loaded or blank
Who wants to find out?
Everybody
On the floor!
Close your eyes!
I have news for you: We are all bandits— religious bandits, political bandits,
Material bandits, ethno-national bandits. Our locus may be different
But if I collect my tithes on the highway by kidnapping your traditional ruler
And Lakurawa collects its own through farmers paying protection tax
While the politician collects his through ‘oversights’,
What makes one tithe superior to the other?
While demonising the highway bandit?
Are some tariffs more equal than others?
How many trillions have you thrown at Boko Haram, Ansarul and Lakurawa?
How many more thrown at kidnappers, armed herdsmen, unknown gunmen?
You segment terror because it is an industry;
You feast on calling the same thing by different names.
And designing amnesty as if it was a Niger Delta-type conundrum;
Making a spectacle of ‘Repentant Terrorists’ in resplendent ‘aso ebi’,
As if they were extended relatives celebrating a festival.
Frustrated Citizen
But wait and watch the video of the frustrated citizen who calls out the generals
For using their troops to corner fat budgets
Leading to erosion of morale; just what the terror apparatchiks need
To rout frontline posts and other formations
For, no army is as easy to pulverise as one lacking in collective self-esteem
As borne out by their lack of necessary provisions.
Oh, hear out the frustrated citizen, who dares to ask why, why?
“If you think I don’t know what I am saying, I dare you to come for me”, he declares, looking straight into the camera. “I’ll prove it to you that some of these corrupt military officers and some of these corrupt politicians are sending a bunch of demoralised soldiers, ill-equipped soldiers, to go and face their death in the name of trying to protect the country.
“Are you telling me that the generals are not aware that some of the allowances of these soldiers are still not being paid?
The soldiers are being shortchanged,
They’re ill-equipped and demoralised!”
And the aggrieved citizen rants on and on.
Borrow Some Sense
If you’re not too arrogant to think that you can’t learn anything from a bandit
I’ll lend you some sense –
Terror is terror, be it an armed carjack, hijack, sea piracy, or highway abduction
Ransom is ransom, no matter how lowly or illustrious the hostage
Stripped of its religious veneer and fake spirituality
There is no difference between Boko and Ansarul and bandit and Lakurawa
We are all vendors of violence and death and minters of ransom.
You have a war on your hands
Forget your coinages
We are all agents of death, armed to the hilt
The only difference is that we bandits know we are waging a war
But you think this is just a social kind of fever, an insurgency
Curable with light arms and grammar
And conferences and summits.
Look at the trail of Boko Haram
Since 2009, the group’s terror has disoriented 15 million people,
Displaced over two million and killed over 30,000;
In the name of which God?
They stand excommunicated by respectable Muslims
Who dissociate their faith from such butchery
So, don’t be fooled. We are all bandits!
Did you hear Mukhtar Ya’u Madobi?
“Boko Haram and its ISWAP faction are ramping up attacks, employing asymmetrical warfare tactics with alarming effectiveness…
The brazen assault on the 153 Task Force Battalion in Marte LGA on May 12, 2025, epitomises this alarming trend. Insurgents overran the base, killed and captured soldiers, looted the armoury, and destroyed military vehicles and equipment.”
Understand my position fellow countryman,
I make no claim to being a better person
All I’m telling you is that life tolerates no vacuum –
Too many ungoverned children, ungoverned adolescents
And ungoverned spaces
At the mercy of ungovernable outlaws
Taking advantage of under-governed polity!
Nobody negotiates with evil;
You confront and extirpate it!
Evil has no half measures; it envelopes and dominates
If left to fester, it metastasises—
Like Boko Haram, one franchise becomes, four
And may yet beget more monsters
That will eat up your unborn future.
A New Song
There is no terror that lasts forever
Perhaps you’ll give yourselves a breather?
Project an alternative universe to those of us living outside the law!
Can you return the society to the days of old
When hard work was guaranteed to put bread on the table?
When we did not abandon almajiris to the elements?
When we were devoted to our faith but never grudged other people theirs?
We are not asking for too much,
Just a chance at the normalcy you take for granted
Minimum literacy and numeracy to help us cope with 2025 Nigeria
To return to the human family
Instead of living like cacodemons in your forests and bushes
Plotting the next set of abductions and bloodfest,
Living from ransom to ransom.
I am the ultimate repentant bandit
If you will heed my counsel and keep your part of the bargain
Then, hear this: Throw a combo at the monster:
Re-armed heavily compensated troops; Military contractors;
Civilian vigilantes; forest guards; mobile police; intelligence agencies;
Neighbourhood guards, traditional institutions…
In six months, you’ll sing a new song.
