THINGS REMEMBERED: When Fathers Chose Husbands For Their Daughters

Nana Muhammad was young when her father called her in. His voice was firm and final.

“As your father, if you know I have authority over you and you have respect for me, I order you to marry this guy I have brought for you,” he thundered.

Nana looked at the man her father had chosen. She did not love him. But she loved her father. In that house, respect meant obedience. So, with tears in her eyes, she accepted.

There was no courtship. No time to ask questions. Just a wedding, a new home and a life she had not picked for herself.

Years passed. The tears dried and life continued. Today, 25 years later, Nana has five children. All of them have grown. She has cooked for them, prayed for them, watched them become adults. She stayed, she built and she carried the weight.

When people ask her about the marriage, she does not give a simple answer. “Sometimes respect is a gamble,” Nana says quietly. “It may fail, or it may succeed,” she adds.

Her gamble did not fail. She built a family and has children that she is proud of. But it also cost her something she can never get back: the right to choose at that moment.

Nana is grateful for her children but still mourns the girl who cried at her own wedding. Both are true.

Her story is that of many women of her time caught between duty and desire, between a father’s authority and a daughter’s heart.

She does not regret the life she built. But she wants the next generation to know: respect is important, so is having a voice.