Citizen Muda is an incurable Nigerian optimist. For every minus that confronts him in his daily grind, he rationalises the situation and thinks of the resilience of the underprivileged even as the bells of penury are jangling around their ankles. His worldview is conditioned by the diet of hope he had been fed from childhood — which is why he confronts each day with cheer and the sure-footedness of a mountain goat.
His day starts at 4am. As usual, he wakes up in pitch darkness. Power supply sometimes comes on like a thief in the night, but it didn’t show up last night. He cranks the power generator to life and quickly goes through his early morning routines before dashing out of the house by 5am. An attendant at a petrol station had promised to help fill up his car if he showed up before 5.30am. He was there all right, but there were hundreds of equally desperate people before him. The gracious attendant eventually managed to get him five litres.
At lunchtime, he remembered that he didn’t have enough cash to buy lunch. He decided to try the ATM machine at the nearby bank. It was as if the hundreds of people that beat him to the petrol pump earlier in the day had multiplied tenfold and taken over the bank’s ATMs and the entire surroundings. After three hours, a staff of the bank helped him to draw N5,000, just in the nick of time.
The workday was over. The roads were jammed. He rushed to a nearby restaurant for a late lunch before hitting the road. All the demons that cause traffic gridlock were having a festival of sorts. A trailer had fallen off a bridge and landed on the heads of commuters at the bus stop below. The vehicles following the articulated vehicle were possessed by a different set of demons which made them run into each other, blocking the lanes.
To ease the tedium, he switched on the radio. It was time for a re-run of the day’s newspaper review and a critical analysis of breaking news.
SABOTEURS WITHIN THE PRESIDENTIAL VILLA WORKING AGAINST APC, SAYS EL RUFAI.
The story: Governor Nasir El-Rufai had alleged that there were powerful forces working against the political interests of the All Progressives Congress (APC), He claimed that certain unnamed individuals in the presidency do not want APC presidential candidate, Asiwaju Bola Tinubu, to win the February 25 poll.
Muda chuckled. There they go again, he thought. Calculated opportunism or mountain on fire?
GUNMEN KILL CUSTOMARY COURT JUDGE DURING COURT SESSION IN OGUTA
Lord have mercy, he shuddered with horror as he took in the gory details. Some gunmen operating on motorcycles had stormed the Ejemekwuru Customary Court in the Oguta Local Government Area of Imo State and killed the chairman, Nnaemeka Ugboma, while presiding. All those present at the scene — court staff, litigants, lawyers and other witnesses voted with their feet.
TINUBU INSULTED US RATHER THAN SELL HIS MANIFESTO –Gov Emmanuel
He read the story. Governor Udom Emmanuel of Akwa Ibom State declared that the Presidential Candidate of the All Progressives Congress, Bola Ahmed Tinubu, was incapable of selling his manifesto despite the conducive atmosphere the state government provided for him to flag off his campaign rally in the state. Tinubu had spoken in pidgin describing the governor as a boy: “Akwa Ibom, that boy wey bring Atiku here, wey dey call himself Governor, tell him enough is enough! He lives in my backyard in Lagos, If no be say we be one I would have driven him home …. “
Muda shook his head and flipped the page.
ATIKU ATTACKS TINUBU
PDP presidential candidate, Atiku Abubakar, has taken a swipe at his All Progressives Congress (APC) rival, Bola Tinubu, describing him as a hypocrite over his attempts to extricate himself from the failures of the APC-led government. Atiku was paying back Tinubu for calling him a corrupt politician.
Muda wondered why the two elderly men were still playing the analogue politics of cheap shots and mudslinging. Hissing, he scanned the next story.
ODINGA WARNS ABOUT ELECTRONIC RIGGING
Speaking at the 2023 Leadership Conference and Awards in Abuja, former Kenyan Prime Minister, Rt. Hon. Raila Odinga, had expressed concern that the new fad of electronic voting was not fool proof. Indeed, he alleged that in the last Kenyan presidential election which he lost, he had new evidence from the server that over two million votes which could have given him a clear edge over President Ruto, were suppressed. According to him, the Supreme Court had denied access to this set of data during the post-election legal dispute, He said he would not allow the ‘injustice’ to go unaddressed.
Citizen Muda thought Odinga’s stance was not going to give a good impression about Africa. Everyone thought the Kenyan elections had been done and dusted. By all means, let justice be done, but let it not be a case of a sour loser trying to bring the house down on the head of the new sheriff.
OBI CAN’T WIN, SAYS KWANKWASO
Muda sniggered as he read the story. He wondered how Peter Obi’s ability to win became a problem to fellow presidential contestant Rabiu Kwankwaso. Had Obi rented a space in the head of his co-contestants?
APC GOVERNORS ASK BUHARI TO ALLOW NEW, OLD NAIRA NOTES CO-EXIST
Governors of the ruling All Progressives Congress (APC) had urged President Muhammadu Buhari to allow both the old and new Naira notes to exist side-by-side. Governor Nasir El-Rufai of Kaduna State who spoke on behalf of the governors after a meeting with President Buhari said while the Central Bank mopped up over N2 trillion of the old notes, it printed only N300 billion in replacement, leading to the serious shortfall. He said the governors were speaking out on behalf of the suffering masses and traders who were bearing the brunt of the hardship occasioned by the current confusion.
Citizen Muda wiped his brow. Yes, he, too, could testify that the central bank had demonstrated incompetence in arranging the logistics of the currency change. However, with the way the APC governors stormed the presidential villa, Muda had a feeling that there was more to their agitation than met the eye. Perhaps they knew something lesser mortals did not know.
Then Muda’s phone bleeped. It was a Twitter notification. President Buhari’s tweets were trending:
BUHARI: “I am aware of the cash shortages and hardship being faced by people and businesses, on account of the Naira redesign. I want to assure that we are doing everything to resolve these issues. Nigerians should expect significant improvements between now and the February 10 deadline.”
BUHARI: “I met with a delegation of Governors today, on the matter. All the complaints about the execution of the currency change are being seriously looked into. I will ensure that everything is resolved in a lasting manner, and we will all enjoy the long-term benefits of the decision.”
Muda noted that some of the usual suspects in social media warfare had quickly latched on to the president’s tweet to unload their own diatribe. But there were many reasonable reactions which could assist the president in gauging how his policies impact the people.
REPLIES TO BUHARI
L.A Napali (@LawanAudu1) replied: “We are already enjoying the positive impact of your decision on Naira redesign. The inflation rate is fast moving down, and we expect, as you said, a more positive yield.”
Fred (@Fred28984600) replied: “Deadline placed on the old currency should be removed Sir, with due respect, Mr President. Let the central bank make sure that they make available the new notes… With time the old notes will go out of circulation.”
ngobekee (@ngobekee4real) replied: “My president, thank you sir for this decision. We can manage till everything normalises. Nothing good comes easy. May God bless you and keep you for us as you work harder to give us free and fair elections.”
Citizen Muda had been in the traffic gridlock for hours. Eventually, road safety officials succeeded in carving out two lanes for vehicles to pass through. But there was not much that could be done to clear the highway ahead as petrol queues had snaked out of the stations to the highway with black market petrol vendors making brisk business in the enveloping darkness.
He got home by 11.15pm. He has always known that living in Nigeria was a version of ‘the ultimate challenge’. One day, one wonder. In high spirits, he felt like Chinua Achebe’s agama lizard that had fallen from the Iroko tree.
“Tomorrow is another day”, he told himself. “I congratulate myself”.
