Five Faults Destroying Relationships

Maintaining ia relationship is a decision that you make for so many reasons. Love is a choice we make, we need to realise that no one is perfect, so in every relationship, you either choose to love irrespective of faults and also choose to stay if you feel or believe you can tolerate the faults.

Yes! Truth is said to be a bitter pill to swallow, but it has to be said not to criticise the negative aspects only, but to open our consciousness to actions and attitudes that expose us to not only heart break, but destroying the things we love and those we love.

There are so many reasons relationships fall apart, quite a number of people, at a time, attribute breaks in relationships to money, sex, pride, lying and cheating. Of course, this is true. Interestingly , for some , it’s often “irrelevant” reasons that leads to their separation, divorce, lack of romance and loss of interest in relationships. The word irrelevance is relative because what may seem relevant to one person may be irrelevant to another. Basically, “small things count”.

Quite a number of bad attitude which we over look, lead to a steady or sometimes fast decline in a relationship. Romance isn’t a bed of roses or set of pearl earrings you get on your anniversary only, it takes hard work and conscious efforts to make things work

Here are some of the problems:
Physically Fighting / Arguing In Public:
This is definitely not a good idea for anyone to try as an individual, not to even mention someone you call your partner. Anyone with some self-respect should not even try this at all. You end up disgracing yourself not just your partner only. You will make everyone feel uncomfortable and awkward around you. Some couples derive pleasure in screaming at their partner, or even hitting in public. Very wrong and should not be seen as normal or accepted by any standard.

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REMEDY: Talk it out in private. There is a solution to every problem in life, if it’s not working, or you are having difficulty tolerating each other, better to walk away and let everyone have peace. If you feel there is still a chance, then seek counsel to settle your differences

The See –finish” Attitude
People who have been in a relationship for years or married for years, often do this. Being together for so many years sometimes makes you very comfortable, making you think you know all that there is and maybe more. Remember when you started dating him or her? How exciting it was at first? Get to know what they like, their best food, best colour, best hair-do, best football team, best movie actor or actress.

We were all at that stage at some point. But after a while, the “see finish” spirit comes in and booms. You feel, “I know all there is to know.” There can’t be any more. Well, the thing is people change and this change comes for so many reasons, change in economy, change in financial capacity, accident, loss of a loved one and so on. Many variables can affect one’s behaviour and can lead to laxity or taking your partner for granted. You first of all start this bad habit by stopping the most important thing which is asking your partner questions and learning about them. The issue is when you stop asking these questions, you start losing interest and silence takes over.

REMEDY: To stay happy in a relationship, partners need to talk to each other every single day, and I mean every single day, regular phone calls, while at work, text messages, what’s app messages, video call, just communicate, even if it is for five minutes. You need to find time to talk. The issues of life are so much and The “see –finish” attitude

People who have been in a relationship for years or married for years, often do this.
I have been there too!! Being together for so many years sometimes makes you very comfortable, making you think you know all that there is and maybe more. Remember when you started dating him or her? How exciting it was at first? Get to know what they like, their best food, best colour, best hair-do, best football team, best movie actor or actress.

We were all at that stage at some point.
But after a while, the “see finish” spirit comes in and booms. You feel, “I know all there is to know.” There can’t be any more. Well, the thing is people change and this change comes for so many reasons, change in economy, change in financial capacity, accident, loss of a loved one and so on. Many variables can affect one’s behaviour and can lead to laxity or taking your partner for granted. You first of all start this bad habit by stopping the most important thing which is asking your partner questions and learning about them. The issue is when you stop asking these questions, you start losing interest and silence takes over.

Public Display Of Affection
While we support showing love and affection, it’s very important to spare people around you the discomfort of watching you getting it on in public. Our culture is opening up to people getting more expressive, but it is disrespectful when you go all out to get it on in full view, without considering the feelings of others. Some people may also embarrass you while you’re at it. Try and maintain some decency.

REMEDY: First of all, be sure your partner is open to such an act. There’s nothing worse than attempting this and getting the cold shoulder.

Stick to hand holding, maybe even quick kisses (not loud slurps please) save the extras for your bedroom. It gives people the impression you have no control and decency, and may be a pointer to real communication issues you have with your partner.

Expecting Your Partner To Change:

Most times, couples do everything possible to change their partner’s behaviour and way of life knowing fully well the character of their partner from the very beginning. There is no such thing as a perfect human being, which is why if you have an attitude of always reminding your partner about their shortcomings regularly. This is not an ideal way to get them to change. Of course, you can remind them about putting of the bathroom light, or dropping the toilet seat or placing the toothbrush upright. But trying to get them to stop snoring after five years of marriage? Well, your guess is as good as mine. It is a cross you must bear and bear with love.

REMEDY: Accept the fact that they are not perfect, the same way you are not perfect. Causing anxiety for them will make them want to defend their position and stop them from making effort to change. Don’t coerce or manipulate your partner. Change is a constant thing in life, but sometimes doesn’t happen overnight. You win some you lose some. Don’t beat up yourself about it, take life easy.

Constant criticism Of Your Partner’s Family:

Since we all know that no human being on earth is perfect, don’t you think you can cut your in-laws or in-laws to be some slack? Your partner had no part in making a decision as to which family would bring them into this world. Of course, we get to meet some family members that are truly difficult to please. But constant words like “why is your elder sister behaving like she has no home training?” or “your father is so weird” will only worsen the situation and put them on the defensive. This puts your partner in a difficult situation having to always defend them and take sides either with you or their family, and when they take sides with their family, this will hurt you and make you resentful.

REMEDY: If you know what you are going to say is not nice and will hurt someone, don’t say it at all. This goes especially to people who do not have the ability to practise diplomacy. It is not bad to voice your displeasure, if you are not getting the respect you deserve, but choose your words with wisdom, get an ally in your partner’s family who can help you understand how they think and function.

Please, even if there’s some clashing of heads, don’t focus on the family’s faults. Getting criticism from family members can make your partner feel sad and defensive which not only makes everyone uncomfortable, but can turn family events into a showdown.