HOW I OVERCAME…From Toxic To Blossoming Marriage

It was a marriage that fought its way through storms and shadows to survive. What began as a simple act of kindness toward a weary traveller in need, would years later become the unlikely thread that wove Ekan and Ndidi together as husband and wife.

Looking back on where the journey truly began, Ndidi recalls that it was her unforgettable and almost disastrous trip to the National Youth Service Corps (NYSC) Orientation Camp that opened the door for Ekan to walk into her life.

She said, “I left Lagos for Minna, Niger State, ready to begin my NYSC orientation. But somewhere on that long road, disaster struck. My entire bag, all my clothes and essentials disappeared without a trace. It felt as though the ground shifted beneath me. Thank God my documents were kept separately, or the situation would have been far worse.”

She went on, “In those days, communication was nothing like it is now, no mobile phones, no easy contact. Only major offices had landlines, and my parents, simple petty traders, had none. I was stranded and terrified, unsure of my next move. I began screaming at the bus driver, insisting he recover my missing bag, though he seemed just as bewildered as I was. And then, out of nowhere, Ekan appeared, the only person who stepped in when everything felt like it was falling apart

Ekan happened to have relatives in Minna, and they opened their doors to Ndidi, giving her temporary refuge while the NYSC camp officials and the secondary school she had been posted to stepped in to help her recover from the ordeal.

And then, silence. Years passed with no contact. Until, five years later, destiny staged its own reunion: a wedding ceremony in Abuja, where both of them arrived as guests, unaware of the twist awaiting them.

Ndidi recounted, “All through the event, something in me insisted that the man who kept stealing glances my way wasn’t a stranger after all. When he finally mustered the courage to walk up to me, the first thing he asked was whether I had ever been to Minna, then he brought up the incident of the missing bag.”

They exchanged addresses that day, a simple gesture that blossomed into something deeper. In time, their bond grew so strong that it found its fulfilment in a traditional wedding, just the way Ekan had envisioned it.

The first five years of their marriage were nothing short of dreadful. “It felt as though our differences could never meet in the middle,” she recalled. The home was unbearably dull, and Ndidi silently battled a growing loneliness. She was never consulted about the running of the household. “My husband took all his cues from his parents, and they were always wary of me, seeing me as an outsider from another tribe,” she explained.

Her sole comfort came from her mother, who repeatedly reminded her, “Time has a way of easing pain.” Her mother’s familiar counsel was gentle but firm: She always encouraged her to “handle your husband the way I handle your father, flaws and all. Walking away won’t bring respect, endurance often does.”

After a series of counselling sessions with experts, heartfelt advice from genuine friends, and the joyful chaos brought by their two children, she decided to stay in the marriage especially after her first child, a son, once urged her to ignore her father’s attitude.

What Did She Do?

First, she won the heart of Ekan and detached him from his parents. “I told him to build his family because his parents would not do that for him. I stopped finding faults in him. I also took an interest in his work and anything that affects him. I started making regular calls during his office hours and preparing the meals he liked.

“I became submissive and never talked back at him again. I also saw changes in him. He started discussing issues with me and even accepting my views on critical issues,” she said.

And the shocker came on Christmas Day. Ndidi said, “For the first time since our marriage, my husband took me out with the children. When we returned from the outing, a new car was parked in front of our house. It was my car, bought by my husband for me.”

Her concluding words: “Any marriage can work if the right price is paid.”