If we must go by the general belief, men or husbands if you like, are the strongest allies when protecting their cheating interests. The breakdown of a marriage at any stage of life is heartbreaking. Whether you are the one who decides to leave, or the one who has been left blindsided by your partner’s decision to go, the pain and confusion from the fallout can feel unbearable.
Marriage is sacred, so it’s understandable for married couples to hold on to it as long as possible despite experiencing bumps. This may be why it seems complicated to accept divorce after 20 years.
This may appear as a dilemma, especially for those who haven’t been married and haven’t gone through the common marriage problems after 20 years. Try to look at it without judgment, and you will realize divorcing after 20 years of marriage is difficult and can be quite painful.
Separating after 20 years of marriage is something that may be difficult to accept, but it happens. There’s no single reason why couples separate after 20 years.
It can be due to cheating or a partner committing a grave mistake that the other person in the relationship has trouble accepting. Sometimes, divorce after 20 years of marriage happens because the two people involved in the relationship no longer find any reason to stay in it.
Whilst most divorces happen early on (after around 4 years of marriage) getting divorced later in life is becoming increasingly common.
Whilst it’s more common for older people who have remarried to get another divorce, amongst these figures are also what is sometimes referred to as “gray divorces”.
These are older couples in long-term marriages, who may have been together for 20, 32, or even 40 years.]
According to a wave of new research, splitting up after the age of 50 can be particularly detrimental to both your financial and emotional wellbeing, far more than divorcing when you’re younger. So why do couples divorce after 30 years of marriage?
Reasons Why Marriages Fail After 20 Years
Here’s a look at the top reasons and ideas on how to survive a divorce after 20 years of marriage:
1) Midlife Crisis
It’s a cliche I know, but more than half of adults over the age of 50 claims to have gone through a midlife crisis. There is certainly evidence of people reporting a decline in life satisfaction when they hit middle age. For example, surveys have singled out ages 45 to 54 as some of our gloomiest.
But what do we even mean by a mid-life crisis? The stereotype is of the aging man who goes out, buys a sports car, and pursues women half his age.
The term mid-life crisis was coined by psychoanalyst Elliot Jaques, who saw this period of life as one where we reflect on and struggle with our own mortality.
A midlife crisis tends to create conflict between how someone perceives themselves and their lives and how they wish life were.
It is often characterized by a desire to change your identity as a consequence.
A man who is going through a midlife crisis may:
Feel unfulfilled
Feel nostalgic about the past
Feel jealous of people he thinks has a better life
Feel bored or as though his life is meaningless
Be more impulsive or rash in his actions
Be more dramatic in his behavior or appearance
Be drawn to having an affair
2) Sexless Marriage
Differences in libidos can create challenges at any stage of a marriage, with many couples experiencing mix-matched sex drives.
Although it’s not unusual for sex within a marriage to change over the years, people still have sexual needs at all ages. Sexual desire can also change at a different rate between men and women.
Studies have more widely reported that a decline in sexual interest is more common as women age, compared to men. Some of this may be as estrogen levels drop, reducing the libido.
If one partner still has a strong sexual appetite and the other doesn’t it can create problems.
Whilst sex in a relationship certainly isn’t everything, a lack of sex in some marriages can lead to less intimacy too. It can also create feelings of resentment which bubble under the surface.
According to a survey, over a quarter of relationships are sexless, and that rises to 36 per cent for the over 50s, and 47 per cent of those aged 60 and over.
Whilst there aren’t any statistics available on how many marriages end because of a lack of sex, for some partnerships it can certainly be a contributing factor in the demise of the relationship.
3) Falling Out Of Love
Even the most passionate and loving of couples can find themselves falling out of love. The reality is that the way couples experience long-term love is different.
There are many stages to a marriage, and couples can fall at any of the potential hurdles as love shifts and takes on new forms in the relationship.
Some marriages of over 20 years can turn into friendships and others into relationships of convenience. This may even work for some people if it’s a situation that suits both.
But as the spark dies (especially as we all continue to live much longer) many men are spurred on to rediscover that lost passionate love elsewhere.
Whilst it is possible to rekindle a marriage even after you have fallen out of love, both partners need to be invested in doing it.
