When was the last time you were alone?
Not lonely, or isolated, or missing someone. But alone, happily, by choice?
If you’re still thinking, it’s been too long.
The reason it’s been so long is probably because, in today’s world, we are never truly alone. We always have a notification popping up on our screen, our work phone ringing at 10pm, or our Instagram feed waiting to be consumed. We crave connection with others and, as a result, never have time to connect with ourselves.
Another reason we dismiss alone time is because there’s such a negative stigma around ‘being alone’. Just so we’re clear, being alone is not the same thing as being lonely. There are some incredible benefits to having time alone, but we simply never hear about them.
Well, fasten your seatbelt because you’re going to hear about ‘em now.
Why You Should Spend Time With Yourself
What better way to convince you to spend time with yourself than to show you the countless benefits!
We guess the introverts are nodding along as the extroverts are screaming internally…
Don’t fret, don’t fret. We’re not taking away any of your social time, because that’s important too.
Keep reading to find out why spending time alone is good for you.
Many people view alone time as the best thing ever. But you? You may view it as a fate worse than death. Instead of relaxing and enjoying spending time by yourself, you pass the hours pacing your apartment, or wondering what the heck to do with yourself.
It’s not an ideal reaction, but it is a totally normal one. I mean, think about it: If you’re used to being connected on a 24/7 basis, then of course the idea of going solo will feel a bit scary. Not to mention, it’s always a tad unnerving to see what the ol’ brain will cook up once it’s sans distractions.
In fact, that latter point is a big reason why so many people hate the idea of spending time all by their lonesome. “Some people struggle with being alone because they cannot be alone with their thoughts, “They feel that if they keep moving, and stay distracted with other things, they will not have to deal with this material.”
But…What Is There To Do When You’re Spending Time Alone?
Ok ok, you’re all on board. But how do you actually spend time with yourself? Is there more to it than just sitting in silence with no distractions? You bet! Here are a few other recommendations that might inspire you.
- Ease Into Alone Time
If the thought of spending time alone makes your blood run cold, then start off slowly. “Don’t jump right into a weekend long Netflix marathon,” Martinez says. “Build up your tolerance and find activities that you enjoy that also serve to calm and distract while you are alone.” Before long, larger swaths of solitude won’t feel so scary. And hey — you might even find it enjoyable.
- Be your own source of Validation
Yes, it feels pretty great to get constant texts, and to have constant plans. But take a second and ask yourself why you crave this 24/7 attention. Could it be you don’t know how to give yourself validation? If that’s the case, try spending time alone — without your phone, tablet, or laptop — and really tune into yourself, according to Gabrielle Garrett on TinyBuddha.com. You’ll soon realize you don’t really need anybody else but yourself.
- Go to a concert.
If an artist you love is playing a venue near you, buy yourself a ticket even if no one else wants to tag along. Attending a show on your own allows you the freedom to plan your night the way you want. Don’t want to see the opener? Arrive late. Did he already sing all your favorite songs? Go home early. Should you sing along to the music at the top of your lungs? Absolutely, especially if you’re surrounded by strangers.
- Visit a museum.
Strolling at your own pace through the different exhibits you’ve been dying to see on your own can be liberating. With no one around to rush you through, you can take your time to appreciate the artwork around you without hearing, “Mom, can we leave now?”
- Gaze at the stars.
An open, star-studded sky works well to put things into perspective. Grab a blanket and head to a spot where you’ll have the best visibility. Instead of running through your to-do list for the next day or worrying about the fight you had with your significant other, try to unwind by focusing on the beauty above you instead.
- Teach yourself a new instrument.
Have you always wanted to learn to play guitar? The violin? The flute? Here’s your chance. Check your local thrift store to see if you can buy an instrument secondhand, then head to YouTube for free, beginner-level lessons.
- Get On Board With Those Hobbies
“Some people who find that they don’t like spending time alone are simply bored when they do so,” If that’s your problem, then snag new some hobbies, ASAP. Use the silence to read, or paint, or knit. Or take advantage of an empty apartment and marathon some movies, or learn how to cook. This is your time to try new things, without any distractions.
Pick Up An Old Hobby Or Try A New One
What better way to pass the time than by doing something you love? Maybe it’s something that you did as a teenager. Or maybe it’s something that you’ve always wanted to do but your partner hates.
Life is short and now is the time to do that thing you’ve always dreamed of doing, whether it’s knitting, photography, or gardening. Plus, when you have something fun to look forward to, you’ll be motivated to plan more alone time for yourself in the future.
- People watch.
Grab a coffee and head to a place in town that gets heavy foot traffic — your favorite park, your local art museum, or even the cafe you like to frequent. Let your imagination run wild as you concoct backstories for the people walking past you.
- Go kayaking.
Considering there’s only room for one person in most kayaks, this water activity is perfect to do on your own — as long as you consider yourself an experienced kayaker, that is. If you’ve been paddling out onto lakes with your friends for years, consider spending a few hours exploring alone. Kayaking on your own is empowering: You’ll learn to trust yourself, your body, and your decisions.
- Wake up early to watch the sunrise.
Everyone deserves to start the day with something beautiful. Whether you hike to a local vista that gets a great view of the horizon or just kick back in your backyard with a cup of freshly brewed coffee, taking some time to be alone with your thoughts can be the perfect way to prepare for a long day.
- Learn a new language.
Exercise your brain muscles by teaching yourself to speak a language you’ve always been interested in learning. There are so many resources available online that vary in intensity, depending on how much time you have to dedicate. For instance, Rosetta Stone offers in-depth learning software in 24 different languages that range in subscription length, from six months to two years, while Duolingo’s free app offers bite-sized lessons daily in your language of choice.
- Lay on the beach.
Spend a glorious morning with your toes in the sand and your nose buried in a book — without your kids. Though you may love frolicking in the waves with them, you’ll benefit from taking some time away to soak up the sun and recharge without stressfully scanning the shoreline to make sure they’re safe.
- Try a new workout class.
Whether it’s cycling, kickboxing, or HIIT, chances are there’s a group exercise class you’ve been dying to try. Though you’re showing up solo, you’ll experience the evidence-based benefits of working out with a group, like the positive effects it has on social bonding, pain tolerance, and athletic performance. What does this mean? More calories burned for you, and a check off of your bucket list.
- Experiment in the kitchen.
Some of us are born chefs, while others struggle to whip up tasty meals in the kitchen. Cooking — alone — gives you the time to experiment with different recipes and sharpen your skills, and you won’t have your significant other complaining about burnt bread in the background.
- Have a spa day.
While more research is needed to confirm the benefits of getting a massage, this form of self-care may be helpful for anxiety, depression, and headaches, according to the National Center for Complementary and Integrative Health.
- Get organized.
If your basement is practically unrecognizable beneath a mountain toys, laundry, and cleaning supplies, it’s time to get organized. Clutter can lead to stress and impact your productivity, so make sure you give yourself some alone time to clean up. Plus, it’s way more meditative of a task than you realize.
- Meditate.
Speaking of meditation … there’s more evidence now than ever that meditation is beneficial for your mental and physical health. According to Everyday Health, meditation can improve concentration, reduce stress, prevent cognitive decline, and keep your brain healthy and alert as you age.
- Volunteer.
Sometimes it may feel like you’re struggling in your personal life, work life, and family life, but in reality, there’s someone out there that is less fortunate then you. Taking the time to give back is both humbling and eye-opening, and you don’t need a buddy to do it. It’s a great way to show yourself that you have what it takes to make a difference. Plus, doing good makes you feel good.
- Create a piece of art.
Maybe you’ve never thought of yourself as the “artistic type,” but everyone has a creative side. Experiment with paint, make a piece of jewelry, or craft something you saw on Pinterest — all of these activities will sharpen your creative abilities, which in turn will improve your problem solving skills and give you a fresh perspective on life.
- Accomplish a fitness goal.
At least once in our lives, we should achieve some sort of athletic feat, whether it’s finishing a 5K, completing an entire season on an intramural team, or learning a new sport. This is something you’ll look back on and feel great about, which will give you an instant boost of confidence to tackle whatever lies ahead of you. Checking off that athletic goal will make you say, “I did that, now I can do anything.”
- Continue your education.
You can always learn something new, and if it’s been awhile since you’ve found yourself in a classroom, don’t worry. Just pick up a new book, register for a free online class, or listen to a podcast. Learning new skills and information will remind you just how smart and capable you really are.
- Write a letter.
Yup, a real letter — not an email. Reach out to someone who made an impact on your life and let them know in the form of a heartfelt letter. No one gets to the end of her life and regrets showing love or gratitude. What people do regret are the things they never said. Don’t be that person.
- Complete a random act of kindness.
You, all alone, by yourself can make a huge impact on a stranger’s life. Even if you don’t instantly — or ever — see the impact you made, you can rest assured that you made a difference.
- Explore your hometown like a tourist.
When you’ve lived somewhere your whole life, it can be hard to see the things that make your town truly special. Act like a tourist for a day in your own hometown by researching the city to find out what special attractions it has, its best restaurants, and its best parks. Wander around your town with a plan to see everything (or as much as you can) that makes it special. You’ll see it in a way you never have before.
- Have a drink at a bar.
Going to a bar might seem like a uniquely social thing to do, but it doesn’t have to be. Instead of gathering up your best girlfriends to meet for a night out, have a night out by yourself at your favorite local watering hole. Try a cocktail you’ve never had but have always wanted to, and spend the evening people watching or chatting with the bartender.
- Pick out some jewelry.
Treat yourself to a piece that’s as unique as you are. Have fun trying things on, perusing the cases, and day dreaming about your favorite shiny objects. If you find something you love that’s in your budget, give yourself permission to indulge, and every time you wear it you’ll be thankful for yourself.
- Go to an amusement park.
Looking for some adventure? Go to an amusement park and channel your inner kid. Ride whatever rides you want without having to worry whether your friends want to do. If you’re drawn to the biggest roller coaster, ride it! If you’re more into the marry-go-round, go for it! If you’re really just interested in taste testing every carnival snack (funnel cake, deep-fried Twinkies, and corn dogs — oh my!), then eat to your heart’s content
- Don’t Check Your Phone
If you’ve made the commitment to spend some with yourself, then make a point to leave your phone out of it. Checking it not only defeats the purpose of alone time, but you’ll likely eye a status update that makes you feel lonely and left out. Save yourself the pain or feelings of FOMO, and tuck your phone out of sight.
- Realize It’s Time To Be Your Truest Self
Alone time is your chance to be your truest self, so dance around in your underwear, marathon that embarrassing cartoon, and snack away on whatever you want. It’s really what “me” time is all about.
“Cultivating this sense of being alone and making the choice to be alone can help you to develop who you are, your sense of self, and what your true interests are.”
Alone time will give you the opportunity to look within and uncover things that may have been forced into hiding due to the busyness of your life.
- Travel solo.
Take a cue from Eat, Pray, Love and plan a solo trip. At the end of the movie, Julia Roberts finds the love of her life because she spent the first part of the movie traveling the world alone in order to find herself. It doesn’t matter how far you go (try a staycation!) or what you do while you’re there, as long as you challenge yourself a bit, create some memories, and have a blast while doing it
No one ever said spending time alone meant locking your door and camping out at home. “If you hate being alone because you feel stir crazy at home, a change in location could do the trick,” said Hall. Go grab a coffee, walk around town, or read in the park. This still counts as “alone time,” even though you’re not technically by yourself.
- Use The Time To Your Advantage
OK, so chores might not be at the top of your “fun things to do” list, but a weekend alone is an excellent opportunity to get sh*t done. Turn on some music, put our hair in a ponytail, and get to cleaning. In a few hours, your apartment will look amazing and you’ll have successfully passed the time. Go you.
- Tell Yourself “This Is Good For Me”
“By spending time with yourself and gaining a better understanding of who you are and what you desire in life, you’re more likely to make better choices about who you want to be around,” said Sherrie Bourg Carter, Ph.D., on Psychology Today. Keep that in mind when if you start to feel lonely, or like you’re missing out.
- Use The Time For Self Improvement
You’ve been telling yourself for ages that you need to update your blog, or go for a run, or practice the piano. Well, what better time, right? Having alone time means getting to focus on yourself and all your personal to-do lists.
- Improve Relationships
Understanding yourself will help you better understand the relationships in your life. Through a bit of reflection, you’ll realize which relationships are meaningful and add to your life, and which ones are harmful or simply there to fill a space. You’ll recognize the value in your positive relationships and will likely become even more invested in them.
Spending time all by your lonesome is way easier when you know there are people out there who care. But when that’s not the case, alone can become quite the painful prospect. “A lack of depth and connection can make you feel less heard, understood, appreciated or secure in the fact that you do have someone to call should you need to,” Hall said. Working on your relationships — and focusing on the good people in your life — can definitely make it easier.
- Enjoy The Ultimate Relaxation
While there’s nothing wrong with running around and doing things for others, it is necessary to occasionally cancel plans, kick back at home, and really pamper yourself. The moment you climb into a bubble bath is the moment you forget why you hated spending time alone.
- Care For Your Physical And Mental Wellbeing
Spending time alone provides much-needed time to take care of yourself. If you’re anything like us, you’re go-go-go from the minute you wake up to the minute you (eventually) fall asleep.
Our busy lifestyles often neglect time for self-care, which can ultimately backfire in the end. Alone time gives your mind and body time to rest and recharge, which it desperately needs.
- Increase Your Productivity And Creativity
This one is pretty simple. When you’re alone, there are no distractions. No kids asking you where their socks are, no tri-tone text notification demanding your attention, no partner showing you hilarious (but untimely) memes. Just you and your work. When you designate time and space for work, your creative juices start flowing without interruption. You’re in the zone.
- Reduce Your Stress
The combination of all of these benefits ultimately leads to decreased stress. When you are alone, you don’t have to worry about anything but yourself. You don’t have to worry about what other people are doing or thinking. You don’t have to worry about maintaining social interactions. There is no pressure. It’s just you, yourself, and you.
- Journal Through Your Thoughts
Grab your pen and paper and have a heart-to-heart with your journal. Journaling has so many benefits for mental health, which makes it an excellent way to spend your coveted alone time.
- Try Your Hand At Coloring
Sure, it was super easy when you were a kid! And it will still be easy now, which is what makes this awesome little hobby so relaxing. Throw on some good tunes in the background, pour yourself a hot cup of coffee and let your mind relax as you fill in the most intricate designs. No seriously, some of the designs are sooo intricate!
Head to the Google machine and find yourself a mesmerizing colouring book. There are so many enchanting options to choose from!
- Make A Self-Care Basket
Whether you’re doing this for yourself or for someone you love, we guarantee it’ll bring a smile! It’ll take you a few hours to gather everything, which is perfect. This is when you dedicate the time to yourself and allow yourself to be super engaged in the activity!
Don’t know what to throw in the basket? Focus on things that help you (or your loved one) take charge of your mental health! Think favourite treats, calming tea, scented candles, relaxing skin care like a nice soothing lotion, a book, a journal, maybe a new agenda. Try to really personalize the basket with what you need, which might be super different than any of the stuff we just listed.
- Print Pictures & Frame Them
Take some time to browse through your pictures and pick 5-10 you’d love to have framed. Print these off at your local drugstore and then go pick a few cute frames!
If you’re not an overly crafty person (ya same here), this is the perfect way to get a little creative. Best part? You’ll get to see your loved ones’ faces even more often. Win-win.
- Take yourself to a really nice dinner.
Eating dinner in a restaurant by yourself is a real test of confidence. Yes, it’s intimidating to dine alone, but it’s also the ultimate way to let the world know that you’re a confident lady who can do anything by herself.
- Create a list of life goals.
It’s not about putting pressure on yourself to check off the boxes, it’s about stretching yourself to go further than you ever thought you could.
- Go to the movies.
Get away from the stress of work, family, and the business of everyday life by escaping to a movie theater where you can get lost in the story.
- Read a book.
If your New Year’s resolution is to spend some more time reading, add reading 10 pages a day to your nighttime routine once the kids fall asleep.
- Take a class.
Whether it’s art, a musical instrument, or a dance class, trying something new will help you learn new skills, make friends, and gain confidence — it’s that simple.
- Take on a home improvement project.
The thrill you’ll get when you walk past that upcycled piece of furniture, freshly painted room, or remodeled outdoor patio knowing you did it all by yourself will be so worth it — you’ll feel ready to tackle whatever’s next.
- Get lost.
Take a drive, go on a walk, or get lost in an inspiring book. Literally or metaphorically, this is what life’s about. And when you do find your way home (you always will), you’ll feel like an entirely new person — stronger, wiser, and self-sufficient.
- Bake a cake — and eat it.
Usually you eat cake with a group for a special occasion. But this time, make a cake — and eat a big slice of it — for no other reason than to celebrate yourself. And don’t spend one second feeling guilty about it!
- Figure out your mantra.
Every woman needs one. It’s that phrase you say over and over in your head when you need to summon some courage. Here’s a powerful one to consider: “Don’t be scared to walk alone, don’t be scared to like it.” (Yes, those are song lyrics.)
- Take some time to reflect on religion.
Whether it’s in a church or under a tree in your backyard, ponder faith, religion, God, and the purpose of life — and do some digging so you know you’re forming your own opinion without input from family, friends, or peers. You can’t really own your opinions unless it’s something you choose to believe, verses just believing in something because you were raised by those beliefs.
- Take a long drive by yourself.
Blast your favorite tunes and drive off into the sunset. There’s something so relaxing and thrilling about driving alone, with the windows down and the music up.
- Take a hike.
Surround yourself by nature and go somewhere tranquil to be alone with your thoughts. You’ll feel rejuvenated and inspired.
- Relax in your own house.
Being alone at home is probably a pretty rare occurrence. Between kids running around, family stopping by, and your husband blasting the TV, wouldn’t it be nice to be alone in your house for once? Send the family off to do something fun together, unwind with a glass of wine, and put your phone on silent.
- Treat yourself.
Sometimes we get caught up in the business of work and family obligations that decades can go by in a split second — and we may realize that we never had certain experience we wanted to have. Perhaps it’s that family heritage trip you’ve always wanted to take, or going to a Celine Dion concert. Make it a point to treat yourself to something you’ve always wanted, and don’t ask for permission. You work hard for everyone in your life. You’ve earned it.
- Unplug.
Turn off your phone, computer, TV, and everything else so that you can simply be alone with your thoughts. In fact, this is something you should do regularly by yourself.
- Do all the embarrassing things you like to do when no one is around.
Want to dance around the house in your underwear, while singing along to your favorite song using your hairbrush as a microphone? Or want to sob through a sad, romantic movie while eating some chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream? Whatever it is — do it!
- Act like a kid.
Do something you haven’t done since you were a kid. Maybe it’s playing on a swing set, roller blading, or going to a carnival. It will make you feel young and carefree again.
- Do Nothing
Sometimes it’s really powerful to just sit and do nothing. Let your mind wander and be reassured knowing there’s absolutely nothing you have to do except be there in the moment
News flash: you don’t need anyone else! You can do it by yourself.
Using your time to do something that makes you happy will never feel like a chore
Not only is alone time often an excellent experience, it’s also an essential life skill that everyone should have tucked away. So cancel your plans, put down your phone, and get to hanging out with yourself.
Yes,We know our intentions don’t always line up with our schedules and our priorities
Best Tips To Actually Make Your Time Alone Happen
- Schedule It
Schedule your alone time in a calendar, agenda, reminder, or even write it on your forehead if you feel so inclined. The point is, plan it into your day and don’t back out of it. Don’t think that you’re being selfish by taking time to take care of yourself. You’re not.
Scheduling time for yourself also helps to maintain a healthy balance of social time and alone time. Think of it as a spectrum. We depend on social interactions to build connections and relationships, but too much social time can be overwhelming.
Likewise, we need alone time to recharge, but too much alone time can be isolating. Try to utilize your schedule in order to find a happy medium.
- Eliminate Distractions
It might be uncomfortable, at first, to be alone without the constant companionship of your phone or your family. But silencing distractions is truly the only way to get value out of your alone time.
Let the other people in your household know that you’re unavailable and leave your phone in another room. Don’t take it with you and pretend you won’t use it because we all know you will (we know because we do it too).
- Shift Your Mindset
If you think that alone time is going to be a waste of time, you’re probably right. That’s the power of the good, old self-fulfilling prophecy. Try to avoid going in with a negative mindset and be open to the benefits of spending some time with yourself.
We pretty much guarantee you’ll find value in it. Give it a chance.
- Get Started! Do It Once And Go From There
If you’re a little hesitant to spend time alone with yourself, try just starting once. Spend 3 intentional minutes alone with no distractions. If you’re able to do that, congratulate yourself! Then move up to 5 minutes.
Making time for yourself is not a competition or a contest. In fact, that’s what we’re trying to avoid. Work at your own pace and you’ll start to feel more comfortable before you know it. Practice makes perfect.
