Grandparents are the best! They give us cuddles, cookies, and always have a funny story to share. But sometimes, they say things that make us cringe or feel a little uncomfortable.
The holiday season is typically a time that families across generations gather to celebrate with one another. As grandparents, you want all of your relatives to feel happy, loved and connected in your company. Unfortunately, that doesn’t always happen.
Sadly, sometimes, unintentional or even well-meaning comments from grandma and grandpa can create an environment where grandkids feel uncomfortable or insecure, hence, it’s important to be more mindful about how you communicate with your grandkids not just during this time but all year round.
It’s important to watch what you say around your grandkids because they’re like sponges, absorbing everything they hear.
And let’s be honest, sometimes we forget that the things you say can have a harmful impact! So, let’s take a look at some harmful words to avoid when talking to your grandkids.
While it can be hard to change the way you say things, it’s also important to be intentional with your words, and be aware of how much words can impact the way your grandkids think and feel about themselves and their relationship with you.
Here Are Some Phrases Grandparents Really Need To Stop Saying:
1. “Stupid”
The word “stupid” is one of the most harmful words to use when speaking to or around your grandchildren. It can cause damage to their self-esteem and confidence. Using this word can be interpreted as an insult and can make children feel worthless, which can negatively impact their development. Instead of using “stupid,” try using “that wasn’t the best decision” or “let’s find another solution.
2. Don’t Tell Your Parents
Maybe it’s sneaking your grandkids an extra Christmas cookie (or two) behind their parents’ back, or letting them stay up past their bedtime and whispering, “it’ll be our little secret.” Any time you’re encouraging your grandkids to keep something from their parents it can be harmful.
It undercuts parental authority which can have long-standing consequences, furthermore, it models for kids that they might find themselves in situations where it’s in their ‘best interest’ not to tell their parents.
This can be especially dangerous if a child is being groomed by a predator or feels bad about themselves for getting bullied.
As a grandparent, you can find other ways of doting on your grandchildren without crossing the boundaries their parents have put in place.
3. You’re So Spoiled
The overstimulation and lack of routine around the holidays has a way of bringing out big emotions and difficult behavior in kids. When you see your grandchild acting ungratefully while opening a mountain of presents or throwing a fit because they didn’t get their way, you might be inclined to make a comment about how spoiled they are.
But before you do, consider this — kids acting out this time of year is quite common and normal. If this kind of behavior is happening pretty consistently, it probably has less to do with the kid and more to do with the way they’ve been parented.
4.You’re Getting Too Old For That
Whether it’s an eye-rolling comment about grandkids’ fashion, creative hobbies, interests in music/movies – declaring they’re “too old” for the things they enjoy is extremely discouraging. Let them be young and have fun without raining on their wholesome enthusiasms and pastimes.
5. You’re Eating All Of That?/You’ve Gotten So Big
Comments about grandkids’ eating habits, food portions sizes, weight gain/loss, or physical appearance can very easily trigger damaging insecurities. It can hurt self-esteem and even encourage disordered eating in extreme cases.
It’s best for grandparents to avoid passing any remarks at all about grandchildren’s looks or bodies.
6. I Never Did Anything Like That When I Was Your Age
Every single generation has its own cultural norms, styles, entertainments, attitudes, and ways of doing things when they were young. Judgmentally comparing grandkids’ behaviour to previous eras just misses the entire point of how society changes over time.
7. You’re My Favorite…Don’t Tell Your Cousins
While likely just teasing, overtly picking a “favorite” grandchild can breed insecurity, jealousy, and hurt feelings among the grandkids. They’ll wonder why they don’t measure up. It’s best for grandparents to avoid blatant preferential treatment comments.
Conclusively, grandparents say these phrases with the best of intentions most times. But whether it’s dismissing modern trends or making cringe worthy jokes, these sayings often come across as disrespectful or insensitive to their beloved grandkids. A little reflection on what makes these comments hurtful can go a long way.
As grandparents, you have a responsibility to watch your language around your grandkids. Your words can significantly impact their mental and emotional well-being, self-esteem, and overall development. It’s important to model positive communication skills, kindness, empathy, and respect for all people.
Create a safe and supportive environment for your grandkids to thrive and grow.
