Relationships have the potential to make us incredibly happy but sometimes, we can end up feeling miserable without even knowing why.
Let’s face it – all couples, happy and otherwise, have negative feelings in their relationships. Yes, there is a place in every relationship for anger, hurt and disgust. After all, we’re only human and we all screw up and do things that piss each other off.
Jokes aside, there are some legitimate (and more valid) red flags that really shouldn’t be ignored. Sure, maintaining any relationship requires compromise or sacrifice, but you should never give up your wants and needs or put your happiness at bay. When we’re newly in love, relationship red flags can be notoriously easy to miss or ignore — although they’re usually clear as day after the fact.
It can be difficult to pinpoint the signs of an unhealthy relationship, especially when we’ve invested in and committed to it, and when it might be hard to leave.
Nevertheless, it’s important to give your relationship an accurate appraisal from time to time, so you can identify any problems and work to put them right. Otherwise, you could find yourself stuck in a toxic relationship.
What Are Red Flags?
If you’ve ever played the game “Red Flag or Deal-Breaker” with friends, you know that some “red flags” are totally subjective. Most of the time, they’re specific to each individual and their “values, desires, and preferences,” according to Dr. Behr. (For example, not being religious may be a deal-breaker to one person and a total non-issue to another person.)
Also, what we consider to be a red flag can evolve.
“What is a red flag today might not be one tomorrow, and vice versa,” Dr. Behr said before adding that “some common red flags that people report have to do with communication, values, and judgment.”
Sometimes, we get a warning sign — either by someone’s words or actions — that they’re not ready for a relationship or not ready for a relationship with you,
However, depending on the person and the behavior, it could take one date or several years for that alarm bell to sound.
Major Signs Tio Look Out For
Your Partner Treats You Much Better In Public
If in front of others or outside the home they treat you much better, it could be a warning sign
Behind closed doors your partner is either rude, grumpy, always busy, emotionally unavailable or even overtly critical and hostile towards you, yet in front of others or outside the home they treat you much better.
This suggests that their image matters more to them than you do, and they know their behavior towards you is wrong. They’re treating you with disrespect when they think they can get away with it.
You Are Preoccupied By Thoughts Of Whether Your Partner Loves You And Whether You Can Trust Them
Whilst some people are naturally a little more insecure than others, if you find yourself preoccupied and concerned about your relationship and whether your partner cares for you enough it suggests you are not getting enough emotional nourishment from your partner to help you feel safe and secure.
You Find Yourself ‘Snooping’ And Going Through Your Partner’s Messages
If you feel overly suspicious and concerned that your partner might be hiding something, then you may have a problem.
If you feel overly suspicious and concerned that your partner might be hiding something, but talking about things isn’t enough to reassure you, then you may have a trust problem within your relationship.
This might be because of your own insecurity, or it might be because your partner is not being appropriately transparent and is giving you cause for concern.
You’re Told You’re Too Sensitive Or Over-dramatic
If you voice concerns but your concerns are frequently invalidated, belittled or even mocked as arising out of your own excessive sensitivity or over-active imagination then this suggests your partner is trying to undermine your faith in your own judgement and perceptions and places more importance on their own opinions and judgements than yours. They may or may not have something to hide, but either way, to undermine your sense of reality or lead you to question your own mind is very damaging for your health.)
Your Partner Frequently Compares You To Other Women
If your partner makes frequent comparisons between you and his ‘wonderful’ ex you should be having a serious re-think about your relationship
If your partner makes frequent comparisons between you and his ‘wonderful’ ex or someone else perhaps, like his mother, or a friend’s partner, saying that you should be/think/behave more like them, then this is obviously damaging to your self-esteem and sense of self-worth. Your partner should make you feel special, wonderful, and should far more commonly highlight your strengths rather than your weaknesses.
You Feel As If Your Partner Might Abandon You If You Do{ Say Something They Don’t Like
If the continuation of your relationship feels conditional, as if you’ll be punished or cast aside if you fail to measure up, then you will not be able to relax and feel secure in your partner’s presence and instead you’ll feel like you have to perform and keep them happy. This is an uneven power balance within the relationship, and it keeps you ‘on your toes’ working hard while your partner holds all the cards.
